But doesn’t judgement create conflict and division? I hear you ask.

When its unquestioned, yes. For sure. Or we judge ourselves for having judgements!

(“I’m such a bad person for thinking he is stupid”).

Many counselling clients struggle with judgments, of themselves and others.

I see how much suffering this creates in relationships when unresolved.

So let’s start this together shall we?

Judgments can be trailheads that direct us towards deeper self understanding. They help us to identify feelings and needs with clarity. Really, they do. Bear with me.

For example:

You make a mistake at work or at home.

You think “you idiot”, “how embarrassing” “I cant believe how stupid that was’

These are judgments.

You might feel angry, frustrated, irritated.

Take a deep breath.

Try a little kindness, be with the feelings and reactions.

Maybe after your mistake, you needed reassurance? Empathy? Perspective?
Knowing needs opens up a world of deeper understanding. And they are more likely to get met. Awareness leads to clarity and clear communication.

Think someone is being selfish? Maybe you need more consideration, mutuality?Someone being lazy? Maybe you need contribution, shared vision, communication.

We dont love the behaviour but we can see that we share common ground (universal needs) with others when we take the time to reflect on what our judgements say about us. Rather than disconnect, we stay connected and compassion naturally arises.